Comments
I realize having a blog and allowing people to comment on it leaves us open to people’s judgements. For the most part, the people who read “The Chronicles of Natalie” love us and leave supportive comments. Sometimes, though, we get hurtful comments from strangers (at least I think/hope they’re strangers). Over a year ago, someone left a comment that said something to the effect of “why are you putting your child at risk for being kidnapped by putting her pictures online for all the world to see?” We decided not to publish it. We have taken precautions as far as not publishing where we live, etc. The harsh reality is that children are much more likely to be hurt by a family member or someone they know than by a stranger.
It’s hard to become a parent. Our culture is overwrought with judgements (especially of mothers) that make it hard to for parents to feel like they’re doing a good job. Mothers are criticized for working, for staying home, for using too much discipline or not enough discipline, for not breastfeeding and for breastfeeding too long.
The most recent judgmental comment was in response to my post Tooties. The person wrote:
are you kidding? the kid is eating a cookie and still beoing [sic] breast fed, that is utterly disgusting and disgraceful!! Is she going to go to school like that?
I wasn’t really sure how to respond. Part of me wanted to just put the comment in the spam folder and ignore it. I’d love to be secure enough in my decisions to not feel defensive, but the comment rattled me. And I do feel the need to defend my own choices as a mother. And to shout, with pride….YES, I’M STILL BREASTFEEDING MY 18-MONTH-OLD DAUGHTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I know not everyone makes this choice. I know that some people are uncomfortable with breastfeeding—especially with extended nursing. I knew publishing that photo might have made some people squirm. Too bad. Judge all you want. The fact is that extended breastfeeding is good for kids and moms.
Breastfeeding a toddler “disgusting and disgraceful”? More like healthy and commendable!
And I’m sure Natalie will be fully weaned by the time she starts kindergarten…Hopefully by the time she has children, the our culture will be more supportive and accepting of breastfeeding.
June 6th, 2008 at 3:27 pm
So, I had to comment on this. You have to trust your instincts when dealing with children and Amy you learned that early on as you battled thrush with Natalie. Choosing to “extended” breastfeed is exactly that a choice. If someone else doesn’t approve that is their choice not approve but it should not make you question your own instincts. You are not only doing what is best for your child but there is proven research as you why others think it is best as well. The World Health Organization (http://www.who.int/nutrition/topics/exclusive_breastfeeding/en/index.html) recommends breastfeeding for a minimium of 2 years so you still have plenty of time and I totally commend you and admire you for lasting as long as you have with all the challenges breastfeeding has presented to you in last 18 months. Not to metion I was so proud to see a beautiful nursing picture of the 2 of you, since I remember your first public nursing session and how nervous you were. I love you guys and I for one can say I will always support you no matter what choices you make with YOUR child because she is your child and they are your choices to make. Hopefully, one day, everyone else will feel the same.
June 7th, 2008 at 6:19 am
Well said. Thanks for being such a great advocate. Critics need only read your previous post with the bagel and smoothie to see that Natalie has other ways of nourishing herself, just like any other child. Happy 18 months!
June 7th, 2008 at 4:32 pm
thank you for having the courage to post this ridiculous criticism. the nurture and care you show natalie have been an inspiration for me as a (very soon!) mom-to-be. i specifically remember the difficult period you went through while nursing natalie and your determination to stick it out and stay with it. thank you for your honesty about the joys and challanges of motherhood–your experiences have no doubt better prepared me. and this blog re a stranger’s uninformed, judgemental criticism is just another harsh reality. truth is, natalie is so lucky to have you for a mom!!!
June 8th, 2008 at 10:19 am
Thank you, to those who commented and those who contacted me via email & phone, for all your support. I’m very lucky that the people who matter to me are so encouraging and supportive. Not everyone who chooses to breastfeed can say that.
June 11th, 2008 at 11:12 am
I breastfed my kids, now 5 and 9, until they lost interest–at about 14 and 16 months. By that time, they were just nursing before bed, I believe, or maybe also in the morning too. My older child weaned himself gradually, and my younger one stopped cold turkey–a tough one for me as mom, since I knew she was the last baby. (”Are you really sure?” I kept saying.) I never considered what we did extended nursing. They were still babies, if big ones, and giving them even just the comfort of nursing was completely appropriate. My best friend nursed her kids until they were like 3 or 4 years old. Now THAT felt creepy to me. Something about a kid discussing breastfeeding with his mother in full paragraphs just seems wrong. But that’s my outside opinion, and they’re not my kids. Ultimately, as the mom, you really do know best for your child. You’ll internalize any advice that feels sensible to you, follow your instincts and your daughter’s, and do what works.
June 12th, 2008 at 8:57 am
we breastfed for the long-haul here, and we all think BREASTFEEDING rocks. some people are ignorant and cruel. i loved that picture of the cookie and the boobie- it made me feel supported and so not-alone in this world of motherhood. thank you for sharing and being YOU.
June 12th, 2008 at 12:30 pm
@Amy Goldstein–I hear you, but ask you: What’s more damaging to a child? To have something that they’ve relied on for nourishment and comfort be taken away, against their will, without explanation, or continuing to provide something the child needs until they’re old enough to understand why it’s ending? Anyone who says that mothers are selfish (not that you said this) to keep breastfeeding their kids has never had the experience of having their child cry and look utterly hurt and confused about why mommy is suddenly denying them something they’ve always been given. Now that’s creepy!
@Nina Beana–right back at you, babe!
June 15th, 2008 at 10:21 pm
Huh? I didn’t say to suddenly stop nursing against your child’s will without explanation. I said mom knows her child best. And yes, I also said I’m not a big fan of nursing preschoolers, but that it’s still none of my business or (by implication) anyone else’s. And you said “until they’re old enough to understand why it’s ending” too, which is also key. If mom wants to stop and child doesn’t, when is the child old enough to understand? You’ll know for your own child better than I, of course, but I say if she’s still nursing when she turns 3, I’ll bet she’ll be old enough to understand whatever you think is right to say to her, if you want to stop. You already know how quickly a baby changes, and how quickly a toddler Natalie’s age changes. That keeps up for a long time, and she’ll be a pretty different kid a year and a half from now.